Never again freshly plucked oysters,
never again strawberries with gold leaf glaze (and the day after
having to shit impure gold), never again!
Never again star or event gastronomy
but with merry midgets as waiters!
Never again having to fight residual alcohol with oxygen drinks,
never again those breathing underpants,
walk-in suitcases, fridges, washbags (Kulturbeutel!)
or hand-made loo-brushes of high-grade steel!
Never again fur-trimmed cups (“The main thing, love, is
it’s soft to the touch”) and then, to top it all,
aroma pearls in one’s tea,
never again inflatable tiepins
or hand-painted wellingtons,
never again clockwise-
or anti-clockwise-cut whiskey tumblers
or remote controls that work around the corner!
Never again the gaiety of TV weathermen,
the social acceptability of brylcreamed chancellors,
late-night confessions of all those victims
(and having to nibble carcinogenic crisps to go with it),
And no more paw cream for the dog (2.04 euro),
no dog video for the dog,
no Ayurvedic drinking water for the dog,
(preferably a fully electronic cuddly alien from the Far East!)
Never again feng shui living and still to suffer from cold feet,
never again having to plan one’s own home, with thoughts to spare
for gutters and doormats that are heated,
never again to debate the air resistance of the S class,
brake boosters in sexual encounters,
books where not even the title arouses curiosity
or paintings where no one knows what’s up
Enough of all those cute text messages,
those regulated allotments of happiness,
those formulaic sequences of ecstasy!
Never again the “Day of the Sandwich”,
of “Open Flies” or “The Single Mother”,
never again Cooking against the Right, scented candles and direct juice!
Never again designer coffins,
never again Germany!