englisch What profits (♂)

What profits (♂)Pieces of advice collected from gentlemen friends of mine

Translator: Hans-Christian Oeser
Original title: Was dagegen hilft (♂) (12/04/2008)
published in:
Die Sekunden danach
– Das Gedicht Bd. 16, 10/08; enth. in: Die Sekunden danach; Matthias Bormuth, Joachim Kalka, Friedrich Pfäfflin (Hg.s): Brotschrift für Ulrich Keicher. Warmbronn 2009; im Rahmen der Aktion „PEN-Mitglieder lesen literarische Texte in Zeiten der Pandemie“, 30/4/20, zur Seite des PEN, auch auf: zu Vimeo


Put on your finest suit,
think of some truly horrific fate,
draw up a list,
take a running jump,
don’t get out of the sun
and otherwise: keep silent, with the right kind of people.

Somewhat helpful:
don’t shave,
don’t read the newspaper,
listen to loud music,
let others cook for you,
and according to your whim tell a beautiful woman: Sorry,
simply haven’t got the time.

Not at all helpful:
to stay in bed,
avoid the gargle,
take up a hobby or
look for a colour-coordinated pocket square,
least of all: no hard feelings,
just grope them.

Ultimately nothing